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Monday, September 16th, 2002
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i think the whole neighborhood plots to kill me after i blast music in the morning
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
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| Time: | 9:45 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | A Moment Like This - Justin Guarini. |
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School is a lot of work. I have transferred into another AP class not out of want but out of necessity. I'm going to go insane.
I'm in love with the song "A Moment Like This" just because it makes me sob. Justin sings it better than Kelly. Maybe I'm biased because I like him more :-\. I dropped journalism, guys. I'm sad. Mrs. Foley told me that she wanted me to write a few beats for her and to help with the entertainment section. She loves me yay
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
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| Time: | 10:05 pm. |
| Music: | i surrender - celine dion. |
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You know that saying about snatching up opprutunity when it comes along?
I might get to sing National Anthem this year I'm excited. I'd be alternating with Briner but whatever. We might actually sing it together, whatever works.
If the opprutunity to be on a show like American Idol ever came up I'd snatch that up too. Whatever I'd probably be like the Nikki McKibbin of that show because I have little vocal range sob.
Oh, and I've been singing this god damn song all day. Whatever it's good who cares. The mp3 of Justin singing Get Here makes me so proud. It's sick that I'm that proud but whatever works. He can lick my chalupa anytime
I have no idea where that came from but whatever works.
I have my forms filled out I'm all set. Oh me and Krystal had to go into the school today and as we walked by Willet's we were like WILLET IS EVIL. Hi she was sitting right in the classroom oops. Thank God I don't have her this year but but my brother does. HA. He has Meyer too I hate him so much DIE I WANTED MEYER THIS YEAR
( I Surrender )
That song makes me cry. Why? The world may never know. I sound like a commercial.
Oh p.s. WORCESTER FUCKING LITTLE LEAGUE WINS BYE HARLEM YOU LOSE SUXXORZ :-X haha i feel bloated because i said suxxorz whose info was that in oh well
i have to get up early tomorrow i lose
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, August 18th, 2002
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| Time: | 7:54 pm. |
| Mood: | crabby. | | Music: | little by little - oasis. |
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i do not care that this icon is flashing and has writing on it i have a pin just like this hahahahaha
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
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i am going to marry boomer aka michael leisen
have my babies michael <3 be my sk8er
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i really did like it better when he was gone. he has a 48 inch tv in his room with DIGITAL CABLE that i'm not allowed to use because its his
but he can use the living room tv
oh yes because he is fucking king zachary HOW THE FUCK DID I FORGET
and dont tell me to shutup because really its my journal i'll complain about what i want in it. i'm not saying it's the biggest crisis in the world. i'm aware that there are bigger ones. i'm not an idiot. i'm just pissed off. if you dont like it dont read it. i dont have enough time to edit out what you dont want to read.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 5:58 pm. |
| Mood: |  cranky. | | Music: | best of me - the starting line. |
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okay i'm editing this post i dont know why.
i've decided what i want for my birthday. i'm always so indecisive about what i want i hate asking people for things it's always seemed so selfish. but it's my birthday. my 16th birthday. so yeah. i want a digital camera. not just a webcam. i want a digital one so i can take it out and take pictures of my friends and stuff. and i want school clothes. i mean my birthday is right after school starts so instead of getting the regular amount of school clothes i want extra school clothes because i am a clothing junkie.
i dropped pant sizes too so i need new pants its not just a matter of i want i want but more like i need i need.
i came home to get shorts for cheerleading practice because it was 900 degrees outside and i come in and i asked zak where my shorts were. i had to wake him up
"where are my cheering shorts dickass"
"which ones"
"the green and gold ones?"
"oh i cut them up"
"why"
"sweatrags"
"fucker - where's the sunblock"
"i used it all"
"it was mine"
"oops"
i hate him sometimes hes such a jerk oh well he's a good brother from time to time i could have worse. so this means i have to buy new cheering shorts and oh dear i'm looking forward to that like no tomorrow. i get my paycheck tomorrow so i'll just buy myself some cheering clothes at the mall or something this week. i dont have practice until thursday but when school kicks up i'm going to have practice every day. so great - practice until like 5 every day and then i'll be doing homework until like 8. i really hate my concentration levels.
and then lindsey and jessie and brit and steph want to do alkgjklfdg gymnastics with bob. which is cool because bob is a chill fella
but yeah there was a point to this
my split personality's boyfriend won a teen choice award for chemistry with mandy i think that's cute. he didnt go to the award show because he was filming but i like to pretend its because he was fucking me which is kind of impossible and illegal.
anyway i like my new tank top and i need to go read my drivers manual now because i have a permit test in three weeks.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:48 pm. |
| Mood: | cranky. |
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really i forget why i wake up sometimes. went to lindsey's last night. did stuff. watched weird movies. made sex in a bowl. taught jess cheers. fell asleep at 3:30 in the morning in the middle of a conversation about something really stupid so i forget. we had to drive to my house this morning to get sunblock so we had to leave lindsey's by 9:30 to be here at 9:45 so we could get to st johns by 10. it was fucking hot and we went over some things with the seniors and apparently we're going to have practice every day this season. at least it's something to do. besides i love cheerleading and i've been waiting for it to kick up again since the end of last season, so really.
we didn't have to jump today which is good because i was showing jess a cheer last night where we had to do something with our leg and i bent it the wrong way or something and i think i hurt myself and my knee is swollen but oh well such is life there are people with bigger problems
i gave my split personality to a psycho and heather is going to beat me with lord of the rings toys but she'll survive. her split personalities costars are almost all nazis. poor heather.
ever have one of those days when you just want everything to be quiet. every little noise is just a tick in the back of your mind and it all adds up to one big jumble of noise and its just incessant, like a banging that slowly consumes your mind. i almost killed my brother today because he asked me a question. i think i need a midol. i'm being neurotic.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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krystal is one of the few people who can make me laugh and really re-evaluate myself at the same time. randomly, we stumbled onto a conversation about god.
i stopped believing in organized religion a long time ago. i'm not saying i don't believe in god. now. i dont think that earth just randomly came together and all those gases just happened to be in the same place at the same time. i refuse to believe that. nothing is coincidental. but organized religion is somewhat of a fallacy. to me it is just old men telling me what to think and what to feel. i hated the first ten years of my life because everything i did seemed to displease god. i thought i was going to hell because i was the daughter of divorced parents. and at age ten i realized this
my parents made me. and my father was also part of creating another human life with another woman. therefore my parents weren't meant to be together forever..therefore divorce is supposed to happen.
maybe the reason i liked "signs" so much is because it agreed with everything i believed in. with the exception of the church bit. nothing is coincidence. everything is a miracle.
if priests really are partisans of god than why do they rape little boys?
thats something to ponder as well. think about it.
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| Time: | 1:39 pm. |
| Mood: | randomishwhocares. | | Music: | leap of faith - michelle ... where is elle i miss her. |
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okay so really i am rid of one of my split personalities and another one is up for grabs i doubt anyone will take her though because ashley probably has death threats out because she likes her so i'll probably end up keeping her and hardly ever updating her because i am a bad bad updater i'll just keep saying she's fucking ryan's split personality. i should be more specific about ryan's split personalities because he has a real one too. what a shame ryan is hot. i'm just going to continue pretending that he only has a fake split personality because i'm dillusional and i want to sleep with him.
sometimes i'm really rude.
jess is picking me up around 6 or 7 and we have to go to victory or the fucking quik e mart because i need to get soda and stuff and she needs to get chips and helluvagood dip because if we dont bring it lindsey probably wont let us into her house but then again she probably will because she wants to make us watch sex and the city. she made jessie and i watch it before and it was like porn. poor jess is so innocent we corrupt her. but then again she has sex hair so you never know she could be an underground dominatrix. phil wont tell us anything so really we dont know. one time we made her watch theres something about mary and she just sat through half the movie in horror while we laughed hysterically. poor child.
anyway invader zim was on today that made me happy because i want to marry gir too bad he's only a cartoon character so i'll have to settle for marrying shane west because he is tangible and he has a penis and gir isnt tangible, he's an alien, and he probably doesn't even have a penis. shane and i are going to have cute babies some day
kate told me i looked like a cute psycho in this icon maybe it was because dan was laying on the ground taking pictures of me on the phone and i told him to leave me alone and he didnt listen he is such an asshole. why do i love him so much die heart die die die find someone else to stumble over because he isnt a good choice he's going to die of a drug overdose before the age of 25 if he doesnt watch his back
i swear to god i saw a deer in my backyard but it was probably me being a dillusional crackpot because it was 4 in the morning and i couldnt fall asleep because my fan was squeaking and i was just sick of it
this update is just an excuse for me to babble on and on about random things and i'm not quite done yet
no one is home they all went to my grandparents house to watch nascar in surround sound what a bunch of hicks we live in new england we moved out of delaware stop being rednecks. its mike's fault. he watches the weirdest things now whenever i wake up on sunday mornings these freaks are watching bob vila or something along those lines. the only upside is that mom actually cooks breakfast on sundays but even that has a downside because i get fatter because all she makes is french toast and sausage and hi calories how are you
maybe it would be better if i got up and exercised but really who wants to do that when you have a computer and you can exercise your fingers. but i have "sausage fingers" according to colin and i really hate my fingers they are so chubby and short and i hate colin
i was going to light a few candles but the house would burn down with my luck
i forgot i still have k pak in my hair because it was being a pain in the ass. my hair is so dry and thick and i really cant do anything. one time i went to the hairdresser and he asked me if i was half black because my hair is so dry and gross and i said no i am white look at my skin do i look like a mullato to you and then he said no not really i'm gay do i look it and i was like dude you work in a hair salon enough said
that was random but i think i'm done
edit whitney's going to lindsey's too good i havent seen her in forever.
edit2 i'm praying that i dont ruin this personality
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:20 am. |
| Mood: |  bouncy. | | Music: | best of me - the starting line. |
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Why is Mike watching The True Hollywood Story of The Andy Griffith show!? It's disgusting. It's The Andy Griffith Show. I like the one about The Price Is Right better.
Anyway, Zak had Kyle sleep over again last night and they were playing video games and stuff. I heard squeaking in my room last night and I was freaking out because I'm a clean freak and I thought it was a fucking mouse but it was just my fan. Great, now it's incessantly squeaking - I need a new fan. Either that or I'll hijack my brother's.
Speaking of hijacking. I should change the passwords to my split personas again. I always do it but I'm going to do it again.
I really am in love with Taking Back Sunday. I think they're great. But I've been listening to "Stars and Sailors" by Dashboard incessantly. This practice must be immediatley put to a stop.
Why did I upload this icon?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDIE!!!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
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Everyone keep talking about your future because it's contagious.
While you people are going to be starring in these movies and singing those songs..I'm going to be working the background. I'm going to be the ones writing those movies and writing those songs. That's what I like to do. I like to write. Hell yes, I'd like to be in a movie or sing some good music but then that shy side of me would sit in and I wouldn't be able to take being in front of a camera. I'd get nervous and I'd stutter because when I'm nervous I lose track of my words and I stutter. My whole life I've been an imaginative little twit, or so says the entirety of my family. I have tapes of me at age 4 singing songs that I made up off the top of my head and they weren't songs about pretty dresses or naked Barbie dolls or how I went to the potty on the big girl toilet. I sang things that I would sing to my brother when my parents were fighting. Things to make him sleep. I don't remember anything word for word but I remember singing to him how everything was going to be okay. He told me when he got home that he remembered me singing to him once - when he lost his teddy bear and Mom and Dad were too busy slapping each other around to care. I always took care of my brother. I don't know what he's going to do when I leave for college because sometimes Mom can be a real asshole to him and I have to tell her to calm down. I'm going to have to call in every day to make sure she isn't spazzing on his ass. Everyone else stopped going to school to pursue their dreams. I hate to be the asshole in the situation but this is what's keeping me in school.
The fact is that you're more than likely to be struck by lightening three times consecutively than to be cast in a movie or to sign a record deal. I hate to be a pessimist but that's what's keeping me in school. If I'm not going to be the up front girl in movies or in music - I'm going to be the behind the scenes one. The one that actually writes the music because I know I can. The one that writes the screenplays because I have so many stories in my head that it hurts. I bet I'm the only person that goes to movies and tries to figure out what was going on in the writer's head. I analyze the characters personalities, their strengths, their weaknesses - not down to a science, but just as a reference. That's what I like about movies. I don't think the actors in the movies are that talented. Really I don't. To me, acting doesn't take neurons. It's a person pretending to be something else for a few hours. How that classifies as art I'll never know. The writers are the true talent and I hate the fact that they get no recognition. They're the ones that came up with the story and the characters and they get no recognition. Everyone talks about "Oh Denzel was brilliant in John Q absolutely brilliant!" I haven't heard one person say "James Kearns was an absolutely brilliant man for coming up with a story like that. Everything was pieced together so well..perfectly". All the credit went to Denzel because for two hours he pretended that he was a character that James Kearns had created. James Kearns deserves the credit for that movie. Not Denzel Washington. Acting takes concentration, don't get me wrong. But I despise how everyone always hands the actor every bit of credit for the entire film. It's always a cast effort, it's never just the actor. I hate that. I really do. That's another reason why I don't know if I could be an actor. If I were an actor I'd hand the credit around. You don't do those things on your own. The writer and director got you the fame, all you did was pretend for a few hours. Pretend.
I just blabbered on for way too long about this. In short, all I want to do is write.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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I wake up this morning and it seems my mom went shopping this morning. She bought my brother that Resident Evil movie and he's already watching it and she bought John Q, too. I didn't know Michelle Rodriguez was in this. I like her.
This thing is disgusting this laser beam cuts them into tiny pieces and it's absolutely disgusting I'm trying to wake up for Christ's sakes and then he spazzes whenever I talk, hi he talks all the time. Sometimes I despise him.
My mom loves me she bought a ton of Vanilla Coke. I have to call Lindsey today to see about what we're supposed to be doing tomorrow and such. I don't see Ashley online with her away notice on it confuses me.
Ew gross this movie is just disgusting I'm only watching it for Michelle.
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Pete reviewed it and now I will.
I just got back from seeing Signs and in my opinion it was one of the most well done movies I've seen. It was intelligently written and wasn't one of those cliche aliens are out to get you films. I despise all alien films really. I think they're insane and such. I really like M. Night Shymalyan (whatever)'s films. With the exception of Unbreakable I think they're well done (I'm sorry but someone being an actual super hero from a comic book is a stretch for me). His films tend to follow a believable storyline and the connections are always there. You either pick up on them or you don't and I love how everything pieces together in the end. It's great.
Joaquin and Mel put on absolutely great performances. I was scared that I'd be disappointed in their performances because I hold such high expectations of them and they lived up to them, as always. I was really surprised with Rory Culkin's performance as well. He did a great job for a kid, especially Macauley Culkin's brother.
I saw a preview for Jake Gyllenhaal's new movie..and not The Good Girl and in the back of my mind all I thought was THIS KID IS DONNIE DARKO.
I don't know. I'm strange.
Edit If you pause "A Walk To Remember" at the right moment you can see Shane's hard-on.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Real World Marathon wins.
Teck is fucking hilarious I'm going to marry him.
Bettina is showing me pictures from WireImage that you can see her and Amy in.
My paid account runs out on the 9th. What am I going to do without my Mandy icons?
My mom didnt go to get my paycheck today so I don't know how the fuck I am going to go to the movies because she doesn't have any money to give me. She's so fucking lazy I just want my paycheck - what a bitch.
Oh my sister called me at 3 a.m. and I hung up on her.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 1st, 2002
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| Time: | 3:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | Coldplay - Yellow. |
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A year ago I was a twirp. The end.
I keep sleeping away the day when I get the chance. I don't know if it's because I hate the world or the heat. I'm guessing it's the latter. I really enjoy being around people again lately. Jess and Lindsey especially. Because - well hi they're my best friends.
I grabbed the TV Guide sitting on the computer desk today and my brother screams at me that it's his. It's a fucking TV Guide, not Playboy. It has Spongebob on the cover, not Naomi Watts. Sit down, fucker. He's watching my DVD, have I yelled at him? No. I'm being a nice sister today. Almost.
My mom keeps telling me I have an attitude problem. I don't really I'm just 16 and everything she asks is stupid and redundant. Where did I get the pants? I don't know, you tell me, you bought them. Who am I talking to on the computer or the phone? How about you mind your own business?
Maybe I'm just bitchy today I don't know. I'm just really glad Kate's back. She says I've changed and I'm a smarty now but she still loves me. She was my best friend in the world at this point last year. I missed her so much.
This year is the year and somehow in the back of my mind I'm feeling that. I'm going to pick up and get moving and I'm not going to be the antieverything that I was last year. I'm more mature now. My brother is going to be a freshmen. Somehow that makes me feel older and wiser. He's 14. Why does that feel weird? My sixteenth birthday is this month. I'm excited and scared at the same time because what if I'm not making the right decisions and I end up fucking my life up and living like my Dad does. I don't want to grow up to drive a tractor trailer and tell my kids they're insignificant, they're inferior or that they aren't wonderful. I don't want to live the life he leads, I don't want to be the person he is. I'm scared that I will. Scared that I don't give a fuck about anyone and that I'm secretly convinced the world is against me. I love my friends too much for that. I don't want to stop being there for them and I won't stop being there for them. I am not my father. I am not my mother. I'm me. Hopefully I'll derive of their good qualities. My mom's heart and my dad's drive. Maybe I'll get somewhere. I will get somewhere.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Sometimes I imagine the exact words that people will say to me. I feel happy thinking about things like that. About my studio apartment in New York City and about going to get the newspaper from a kiosk every day. I think about it a lot. About what it's going to be like if World War 3 breaks out in my lifetime. I'd drop everything to do what I could. I'm really into war movies, not because I like to see men being shot and I'm into the action - but because it shows me that men did work for this country. The freedom that allows me to be writing this right now didn't come free. Men and women sacrificed themselves so I can do what I want.
I always sound like such a depressed asshole when I try to explain things through my point of view maybe I should go back to just posting stupid things.
Edit: Dad threw Nicole out of the house. She called me crying. Further proves my point that he is a bitter man
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. | | Music: | rocket power. |
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Cheerleading was fucking early. I got up at 9 and I was like "Fuck, why am I up again? Oh cheering" I was only up at 9 because Brit called me and I wouldn't have remembered to get up if she hadn't called. So, good. But Krystal and I went and Jess was already there and Katie and Briner came and they said Erica was going to cheer, too. So the junior count is going to be highest this year in all likelihood. Me, Briner, Erica, Katie, Lindsey, and Jess. Yes, probably the juniors to rule out.
Yesterday was just great. Kelly, Krystal, and I went on everything that I could handle because I'm paranoid about heights.
"Jesus is my homeboy"
"Is that a sit-down vibrator!?"
Edit: Kate's back I havent talked to her in like a year I missed her so much!
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Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
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i had a great day. ahaha, even though i woke up at 6:30. we went to pick up kelly at 7:30 and paul, zak, tim, and kyle were already in the car. so it was 7 of us and ann and ken. the first thing i went on was batman and i thought i was going to hate it but it was so great i <3 it. we counted 12 mullets today. i took a picture with a bunch of looney toons and looked naughty when i posed with sylvester because he is a pussy
cat.
anyway, we had a lot of fun and yeah i dont feel like going into detail tonight i'm tired as fuck.
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glittered_out's journal